The Garden of Eden for Sale
Swindlers & Co Estate agents and Valuers are delighted to offer for sale this unique property for sale. The Vendor (God) has requested only serious bidders, no time wasters. All viewing by appointment only, for prospective buyers we have a full and detailed package for you to download. Please read the Garden of Eden prospectus before submitting bids:-
1) The Garden of Eden is for sale due to previous occupants (Adam & Eve) contravening their lease agreement. The following terms&conditions apply
(a)Failure to maintain the garden, free of weeds and other
Unwanted guests..may mean eviction or fines..depending
how God feels.
(b)Mr Adam allowed his wife to eat an apple from the ‘Tree
Of Knowledge’, which is strictly forbidden under the lease
Agreement...as God did not want women to acquire
Knowledge. Do not eat the apple from the tree of
Knowledge..God wants you to remain, ignorant, illiterate
(c)The Garden of Eden contains a talking snake..who is
Permanent resident cannot be removed. He is devious and
Cunning, prospective purchasers warned not to be tempted
By the snake to eat from the tree of knowledge. if you do..as
a woman you will be instantly evicted. If you are a man
You will have permanent erection, but no one to use it on
(It will be a cursed blessing).
(d)The Garden can be used for growing fruit and vegetables
Cash crops can be grown such as Cannabis, prior
Permission will be needed in writing. God may request as
That you supply a small amount for his personal use, on a
(e) No part of the Garden can be sub-let..God will very
Upset if you have let part of it to the Devil..his main
Rival and enemy
There are three Garden of Eden’s for sale:-
(1) Christian Garden of Eden..Contains a talking snake, the Holy Ghost and a former Jew called Jesus Christ who hates Banks and charging of interest, you can drink alcohol and raise, kill and eat pigs..God prefers his Bacon rashers unsmoked.You can only have one wife to beat up; you can have a mistress as long as God or Wife does not know. You cannot beat up your mistress ?.
(2) Judaism Garden of Eden..Contains talking snake, an old man over 800 yrs old found wandering the desert called Mose’s,you are allowed to charge interest, but only to non jews.You can drink alcohol, and not eat the pig.In this garden Jews will have special status of being the chosen ones...i.e. God’s first class citizens. On earth this chosen status means stealing other peoples land (Palestine), killing and injuring them including children in regular massacres, called Defending the Democratic Terrorist State of Israel. Your chosen status on earth will not be recognized by others..So you will need to control, the mass Media and Hollywood to ensure the truth never gets out.
(3) The Islamic Garden of Eden...contains a talking snake, 70 virgins for every suicide bomber, a permanent erection if you eat the apple (needed for the 70 virgins+ 4 wives), no alcohol, pig or drugs...but you can beat up your wife, infact four of them...as long as you beat them equally.
The Garden of Eden is sold on Leasehold basis..God will reserve the right alter terms and conditions.Propective purchasers warned God is a erratic and un-predictable...he will be sending regular floods to the Garden of Eden. Purchasers are warned to have insurance against, floods, and content cover...in fact it advised to cover yourself from all possible losses...Lloyd’s of London are offering 10% discount.
The Garden of Eden is located in a very desirable part of Heaven. It overlooks the river where you can see Noah’s Ark parked. The Garden is only a camel’s ride to the city centre..local Camel Trains offer special weekend rates.
The energy rating for this property are very low due to open skys,but the sun shines all year round, no need for clothes. All prospective purchasers must ensure you have finance arranged prior to bidding. God will accept any currency including bit coin...money to be deposited in God’s own special off shore account.
The successful bidder to complete the transaction within two weeks. Failure to do so means you will lose your deposit and God may smite thee with Hellfire and Damnation. So good luck