We the grandparents of the world are united under our banner The Grandparents charter. We demand that our children respect our charter as this will go a long way to ensure a fair and equitable relationship between us, our children and our grandchildren
Rule 1) we want at least 24 hours notice in writing before you decide to dump the grandchildren like unwanted toys upon us. This is will give us plenty of time to be out of the country or elsewhere when you come around
Rule 2) Make sure before you bring the children around that they have been fed, watered and cleaned. Ensure you bring with you the ‘emergency kit’, that is food, clothing, nappies, toys, medicines etc
Rule 3)It is not our job to buy expensive toys for the children which you cannot afford or do not want to give the children...This is emotional blackmail, and depriving children of toys could mean a visit from the social services...read up on the UN rights of the child and abide by it
Rule 4) School holidays does not mean expensive trips to children’s theme parks. If you want us to take the grandchildren to these places you must provide substantial cash contributions, we will provide the sweets, snacks and drinks. I would suggest 90% from you and %10 from us...this is a fair ratio and you must stick to it.
Rule 5) we may be retired but we do have a busy lifestyle...We want to enjoy our last years of life. That is we also have a underground Music and Drug scene. We use the social media to organize online orgies for the over 60’s, wife swapping events and other adult entertainments...we need time for these. As grandparents we will provide you with a calendar with days or months marked when we will not be available.
Rule 6) As unpaid carers for our grandchildren so that you may go to work. It is only right that you as a sign of your appreciation offer to pay a bill, or buy food for the week or pay for our car to be serviced etc.By doing these things you will ensure that we are available 24/7 in case of emergency.
Rule 7) you cannot leave the grandchildren with us for more than one week at any one time for free. Any time over one week will be charged at the minimum wage rate of £6.50+ expenses per hour.We will provide you with an itemized bill for our services, we expect payment to be with 14 days or else we will take legal action or go on strike.
Rule 8) only two grandchildren are allowed per visit, you need to organize a rota so that we do not get the same grandchildren every time
Rule 9) as poverty pensioners and grandparents it only right that we should come and live with you and at your expense at least one month a year. Think of this as payback for bringing you up to adulthood.
Rule 10) this is the most important take out insurance for us before we die. This is will ensure when the time comes there will no arguments over who should pay for the funeral. This will mean that as a family you will stay together...we do not want to leave this planet with the thought that our children will not talk to each other or help each other, after we are gone.